El Cafecito Travel Talks is a travel and cultural podcast hosted by Tony Lloyd, a travel planner, hostel owner, and community builder who has spent more than 25 years living and working in Latin America.
Each episode features real conversations with travellers, expats, backpackers, cultural explorers, community leaders, and people who have chosen to step outside their comfort zone and explore the world in their own way. From short adventures to life-changing moves abroad, these stories highlight the experiences, challenges, connections, and discoveries that come from seeing the world through different eyes.
Along the way, we’ll explore travel, culture, community, identity, and the unexpected moments that connect people across borders. Many conversations focus on Latin America, including the stories, experiences, and contributions of Afro-descendant communities throughout the Americas, but the lessons and connections are universal.
Whether you’re an experienced traveller, dreaming of living abroad, planning your next adventure, or simply curious about the people and places that make our world interesting, there’s a seat for you at the table.
Grab a cafecito or a tea and join us for the journey.
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What happens when the life you planned abroad suddenly changes?
In this episode of El Cafecito Travel Talks, Tony heads into the countryside outside Cuenca, Ecuador, with Mary and three dogs for a conversation about travel, relocation, community, loss and starting over.
Mary had already lived around the world before eventually settling in Colorado, where she spent decades working in real estate and breeding horses. An unexpected accident changed everything and eventually brought her and her partner to Ecuador.
Nine years later, Mary talks openly about the realities they faced when her partner became seriously ill: finding medical care abroad, preparing powers of attorney, navigating different laws, dealing with death and funeral arrangements in another country, and relying on the community she had built around her.
But this isn’t an episode about death. It’s about what comes afterward.
For the first time in her life, Mary is living alone, improving her Spanish and discovering what she wants her next chapter to look like.
As she puts it:
“Now that I don’t have to compromise on anything, how do I really want it? What is it that I want?”
Whether you’re thinking about moving abroad, already living overseas, or simply wondering what happens when life doesn’t follow the plan, Mary’s story is a reminder that relocation is about much more than choosing a destination.
El Cafecito Travel Talks — real people, real travel, real life abroad.
Thank you for sharing a cafecito or a tea with us...
(Transcrito por TurboScribe. Actualizar a Ilimitado para eliminar este mensaje.) Now that I don't have to compromise on anything, how do I really want it? What is it that I want? Welcome to El Cafecito Travel Talks with Toni Lloyd. Each episode, Toni sits down with travelers, expats, creatives, and community voices from across Latin America and beyond, sharing stories of travel, culture, connection, and the journeys that shape us. So grab a cafecito or a tea and enjoy the conversation. Look at all the tiny little quartz crystals in that one. And here's a little gold sparkle. See it? Yes, right there. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, this is a different episode today. We're actually out in nature. We're here in this beautiful countryside just outside of Cuenca. Would you like to just introduce yourself? I'm Mary. So yeah, Mary's took me for a drive. We've gone out into the countryside. This is really nice. So we're on the road. We're traveling today. And don't forget who's in the car with us. Oh yes, we have three lovely dogs. Mary has three lovely dogs that are here with us. How did you end up in Cuenca? What's your story? Well, I was living in Colorado for 30 years and my sweetie at the time got squashed by our tractor. And no, I was not driving. I always have to tell people that because they make the wrong assumption. And when he got out of the hospital after four months, he couldn't work and of course didn't get social security disability because that takes years. I couldn't work because I had to take care of him. So we were going to be living under the bridge with 24 horses and seven dogs and a cat and eight pigs. So we decided we needed to move somewhere. And Cuenca was the place. Okay. Before this accident, what were you doing? Give us a little backstory about who is Mary and where is Mary coming from? I had lived all over the world and as a child mostly. And then as an adult had the opportunity to settle down and chose Colorado, partly because it reminded me so much of my favorite place I had lived as a child, which was Afghanistan. And the climate was the same and the color of the sky was the same and the mountains and all that sort of thing. And I had a couple of small businesses there, but what I finally ended up going into seriously was real estate and breeding horses. Okay. And how long were you breeding horses for? 30 years. For 30 years. Okay. And you said growing up, you lived in Afghanistan and these other places. So how did you end up going to Afghanistan? What was your parents doing? My parents were teachers. And in Afghanistan, my dad was working for USAID setting up schools. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And later on in your adult life, before breeding horses, what other type of work were you doing? I did social services for 10 years and worked with battered women and their children, survivors of domestic violence, survivors of sexual assault. Did that work for about 10 years, then ended up being a corporate wife for a while. And I really sucked at that. You've lived in a lot of different places. Was there a particular reason why you chose Ecuador in this region that we're in now? Well, we looked at Europe because we had had a number of exchange students from Europe and they had said, Oh yeah, come to Germany and we'll help you get citizenship. We'll help you get your visa and everything. And I was just really concerned at what I saw happening in Europe with politics and the rise of the right and also climate change. So we crossed Europe off our list and I wasn't interested in going back to Asia. So my sweetie suggested Brazil because that's where he had grown up in. And I said... He was a TCK also? Yes. I said, you know, I'm not really into that whole real macho culture. It's so anti-woman. And he said, Oh, you're too old for that. Don't worry about it. And I'm like, no, it's your whole life. It just takes a different form. So he suggested Ecuador, which I probably couldn't have found on a map. I would have known it was somewhere northern part of South America, but I would have probably chosen Colombia. How long have you been here now? I've been here nine years. Okay. Okay. So you came just before retirement. Yeah. I mean, in the US we had had no plans to retire, but it became the option. Okay. Yeah. And nine years in, are you still liking it? Oh, yeah. I have no desire to live anywhere else. I love living in the rural areas outside of Cuenca, which is close enough that I can go to for stuff and has excellent health care and a super community of people. And yet I can go out into the sticks like this. Okay. And out in the countryside, do you have any horses now? I don't. Do you plan on getting horses? Oh, I have a lawnmower, otherwise known as a donkey. And someday I may do a horse again, but we'll see. Okay. And if you had the opportunity to travel around the country or maybe the region? I have a bit, but I have done so much traveling in my life and so much moving in my life that it feels nice to just be still. Just settle. Yeah. Okay. So how was it? You moved down, as you said, you chose to come down here because of the health issues. Did you find that the hospitals and the doctors had what you needed? Absolutely. And our GP is the best doctor I've ever had anywhere in the world. And cost wise? Completely affordable on my retirement that I took early. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's no issue at all. And unfortunately, your hubby has passed away. He did. He did. And just an example of how fine my doctor is. After he was diagnosed and we knew that he was going to be dying, she called me or contacted me every single day to ask me how he was, how I was. Did I need anything? Could she help? Amazing. What doctor do you know anywhere who could do that? This is a hard question, but let's see. Going through this experience here, you came down, you came the two of you together. What could you say to other people who are going to be going through that? What could we say to them? You mean medical things? Yes. He came down, then you get to the point where you recognize that he is going to be dying. How do you prepare for something like that? Well, we went in and had powers of attorney drawn up for each other because we weren't married at the time. And so we had powers of attorney drawn up to give us the same rights as married people over each other and decision making because he had a very fast acting dementia that was going to kill him within a year. It killed him within six months. And so I had to be the person who was able to make decisions for him. And yeah, so we did that. And also just having fabulous doctors who I could communicate with. I was really lucky because both of the doctors that we used extensively were English speaking. And that was very helpful for me because even if I spoke Spanish, I wouldn't Spanish better than I do. When you go into something as specialized as medicine, you may not be able to communicate with that. And all the obscure medical terms. So it was really helpful to have English speaking doctors. Being so far away from home, being so far away from the people that you, your regular community, how was that? I can imagine somebody is listening to us and going, OK, they got there, then he got sick and you're not around your regular family community. What was it like for you? I found the community here absolutely had my back. That when he got ill enough that I literally couldn't leave the room when he was awake, people stepped up and cooked meals and delivered them or they would do shopping for me. Or he was a really big guy. And even though I'm pretty strong, there were times when he fell and he couldn't help to get back up where I would just go out and blow the horn and my neighbors would be there in 30 seconds. You were able to find a community that bonded with you. Yes. And they had my back and I couldn't have done it without that. And there's many places in the US where I could have lived without having that community. I found that here and it was fabulous. What are some of the suggestions that you could give to people to be able to create a community like you had? Because not everyone knows how to do that. Well, and it's different in different places, but I can say here what was really helpful and is how I met most of my friends here was on Facebook, social media. And, you know, being a part of some of the different groups that appealed to me. And if I'd get into them and go, oh, well, this is not for me, that takes care of it. But often I would, you know, spot somebody who was saying interesting things or in some way I thought, oh, I want to get to know this person. And so it was a good way to do that when I was out of the city, you know, establish those connections and then meet people or take them for a drive out in the country. Okay. Like we're doing right now. Exactly. I'm assuming on Facebook, you were communicating more with foreigners. Yeah. How did you approach creating a community with the Ecuadorians, the local people beside you? Just being a decent human being. And if I see people on the road who are walking, I give them a ride. If their cows are loose, I let them know. If their chicken got squashed, I let them know. If my dog killed their chicken, I let them know and pay them for it. So just being a decent human being. Well, one of the things I learned is, and you certainly know more than I do, so correct me if I'm mistaken, but most Ecuadorians don't have the same closeness of friendship that I'm used to in the US. So when I first arrived, I was reaching out for those close friendships and they didn't really develop. And I spoke with a woman who I knew pretty well and she had lived in the US and I asked her, what kind of role does friendship have? And she explained to me that we're family based here. And it's just, that's a cultural difference. So I've learned not to expect Ecuadorian people to become my bosom buddies, but yeah, they're there for me. Okay. I would agree with you that it's definitely, it's defined in a different way. And I think that's more the question. But I do believe though, that once you become considered family, people will take you in and they'll do incredible things for you. That's been my personal experience. And my experience has been that, yeah, people really will step forward and fill the needs for things. But do they really want to know everything about me? No. Okay. Okay. I understand what you're saying now. Yeah. It's not as, you don't find that people are, I would say that in North America, they're a little bit more detail oriented about all the different aspects of our lives. And here we're like, okay, we'll take you as you come. I would agree. And that's how I would say that's different. But it doesn't mean that they don't care. Right. It's a difference. It's a cultural difference. Okay. And it's not good or bad. It's one of the things that my foreign exchange students used to teach me from their orientation. It's not right. It's not wrong. It's just different. And that I say that to myself all the time. And that's what people really need to understand when they're going to go abroad, either for traveling on a short trip, or especially when they're thinking of relocating somewhere else. Right. And don't think that because you've lived in five other countries, that you're going to move to Ecuador and understand Ecuadorian culture. Because each one is different. Each one is different and learn it and respect it. Exactly. We had been together for 30 years, or not quite that, but when he died 32 years. But so what was that 23 or whatever when we moved here? And we had both been married before and didn't want to be married. Okay. So when we got ready to come to Ecuador, it was going to be so much easier for us to be married in getting our visas. So we got married. Okay. But when we came here, we were married and it did make everything simpler. But then when he got sick, because the laws here in Ecuador, Ecuador are very strict about wills and estates. He didn't want his son to get half of my money. Because when we got married, the money was mine. Okay. And here married, the spouse gets half and the children get half. So we got a divorce. And coincidentally, my social security doubled. Because I was able to claim off the first ex spouse. I just want to say one other thing too. People might be wondering, why are we talking about this on a travel podcast? But I think it's important for people to understand that when you do decide to travel, when you do decide to relocate, that there are certain issues that you do have to think about that the different laws and how the countries deal with different things. And unfortunately, sometimes people might travel, I've had a hostile guests of mine that passed away while you know, unfortunately, I've had a few, at least three people that have passed away while they're on holidays and how dealing with things like how to get the bodies back and different things like that. And decisions making like did you did he get? Did you bury him here? Did you send him back to the US? You know, contacting family and we did cremation. What was lovely was our doctor recommended the funeral home that would take care of that. And they he died at home. They sent out a hearse to the house and took him in. Later, I was told that they they had to build a special box for the ashes because he was the biggest guy that they'd ever cremated. The guy who was the funeral director was lovely and kind. He took care of sending all the information to Social Security, which just stunned me because I was dreading having to deal with that whole thing. Even though we weren't married, I was the person who was responsible for the power of attorney. Yeah. So he took care of all of that. And it was lovely. It was really helpful. And he has been very kind and educated me on how to do things because I didn't know. As you started to mention about Ecuadorian law, saying that the spouse gets 50%, the kids get 50%. Right. And his son has significantly more money than we do. So he didn't need it. Okay. Right. So that was that was a big reason why. So we even put the things like the car in my name. I understand. And how's it been now? How long has this been since he passed away? It's been a year and a few months. It's been an interesting process for me because I've had to learn to speak Spanish better. Because he was a Spanish speaker? Well, he grew up in Brazil, so he spoke Portuguese fluently. And people here understood his Portuguese. So better than my Spanish. But I'm getting better at it. And I'm taking it one day at a time and not putting a lot of pressure on myself. Just, you know, making it work. And sort of an interesting thing for me is I have never lived alone. So it's been that process of now that I don't have to compromise on anything. How do I really want it? What is it that I want? You mentioned before that you feel like this is it. You're going to stay here. Yes. Are you not missing people from back home? No. Okay. Now, one thing that really helps is social media and the internet because then I can stay in touch with people. And being able to call my brother and my niece came to visit and able to chat with her. And having the internet makes a real difference. Yeah. So I feel really lucky that I'm able to chat with people, video chat with people. I feel like I'm there. Okay. And for Mary, what's next? What's your next chapter? Oh, I'm taking it one day at a time. I'll let you know when I know. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for accepting to do this interview with me. Thanks for joining us for this episode of El Cafecito Travel Talks with Tony Lloyd. If you'd like to learn more about today's guest, check the podcast notes for links and information related to this episode. And if you have questions, stories, or topics you'd us to explore in future episodes, feel free to reach out. Tony also helps independent travelers plan meaningful journeys throughout Central and South America, including cultural and community-based experiences. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help keep these conversations going, you'll find a contribution link in the podcast notes. Until next time, thank you for sharing a cafecito or tea with us and safe travels wherever your journey may take you.
